I see you there, standing on the other side of the field. I recognize your face, my heart remembering the erratic rhythm it made when I talked to you. Oh, how I yearn to see you smile, just once more for me. I miss your teasing, your eye-rolling, your soft chastises. The advice you'd give to me on the rare occurrences I couldn't see the solutions to my problems, I miss that. I miss just hanging out and having you near.
There you are, standing so far from me on the other side of the field. Surrounded by new friends, your old friends disappearing from your thoughts and your heart. But you're still with me, in my thoughts and dreams, even when I need to let you go. But still, I'm such a coward. Even though you're right over there, enjoying life, I can't lift my feet to walk the short distance and say, "Hi. How are you?" We haven't hung out in months. We haven't laughed and teased each other since that final day when we parted ways. I chose my path and you continued along yours. It's selfish of me to think that those paths can ever intertwine again. Fate brought us together, but I tore us apart. The time that I put between us is as steep as the distance it seems between me and you, on the other side of the field.
A lone tear falls from my eye as I continue to watch you. And then, I catch sight of it. I see you smile. It was so breathtakingly beautiful and I wanted it to be for me. But it's okay. I was able to see your smile, so now I can smile. I can move on.
Or do you want me to? That's what I believe you were trying to tell me when you suddenly looked away from your friends and looked across the field, right at me. Our eyes locked on each other and with a smile, you nodded. I smiled again and nodded back. I then turned and walked away, the distance growing with each step.
Maybe you don't need me in your life anymore. Maybe in your mind, I'll only be an afterthought. But it's okay. We may not be as close as we used to be, but that doesn't mean I've gone away. Whether you know it or not, I'll always be here. Watching. Caring. Loving...
I wrote this a while back- January of this year. I wrote it for someone that I held feelings for, even though I was afraid to admit it to myself.
I didn't want to love him; it just happened. And I didn't want to see him again; now he lives down the street. It's painful to hold feelings for someone and not have the opportunity to just spit it out and try to take a step forward.
Yes, these feelings are real. No, I don't know what to do with them. Confessing seems like the quickest and easiest way to get over the constant thoughts and dreams I have, but it's never as easy as it sounds. No, not when my heart lurches every time he's around. Not when my face burns every time he looks at me, or how I lose the words at the tip of my tongue when he talks to me.
These feelings are new, scary, confusing. I want him to be a friend... at least, that's what I tell myself. My heart, on the other hand, wants to know if I have what it takes to let him know that I might just want something more. But what's a girl to do when she's facing her own insecurities?
Once upon a time I would've been cool with being just friends. But then my friends happened. Friends that wanted me to be assertive for once in my life. Friends that encouraged me to go after what I wanted. Friends that just wanted to see me happy.
I love my friends and everyday I'm slowly building the confidence. One day I'll tell him. I just hope it's sooner rather than later. That way, if nothing happens, I can move on to find someone that truly wants to love me back.
Heh... I'm probably tattling on myself with this post. I doubt he reads my blog, but you never know. He might even figure it out. If that happens, then I'm okay with that. I've always been better at expressing my feelings through my writing rather than my words, anyway. So, if you are reading this, you know the truth.
You know why I text you about the most random topics. How I invite you out in hopes of getting you alone and letting you know how I feel. How I seem to look everywhere but at you when you're in my presence. The mask I usually wear has been fitted to hide these dangerous emotions, but every conversation with you seems to leave a crack, allowing these emotions to slowly seep out and expose themselves to you.
Maybe one day, you'll see me for me. Maybe one day, you'll love what you see. All I know is that I don't want to lose you. You're one of the few people I've encountered in my life who can stimulate my mind on many topics other people aren't interested in. You make me laugh, you get me flustered. And for the few short hours I'm with you, I feel special. Because you're such a good host...
So, I guess we could consider this an open love letter. Names are withheld to protect the innocent, but my fingers can no longer conceal the words of my innocent heart. It's all out in the open. And it would be all worth it if it stops the constant barrage of daydreams and fantasies I have.
I'm a dreamer. There's no doubt about that. But like all my other dreams, I hope to turn this one into reality. I don't need you/him to reciprocate my feelings. I just need a chance to say, "I like you." Give me that much and I'll be happy. This happening would allow me the chance to realize that I have the confidence to chase after what I want, and not even my own insecurities can hold me back.
Just give me that, and I'll be forever grateful. And I'll be able to move forward. So even if you're still standing on the other side of that field, my heart will keep you right beside me as I courageously step out into the world and find my other half, whether it's you or someone else.
My confession to you is currently pending. Wait for me...
Love,
DesieDeep ♥
There you are, standing so far from me on the other side of the field. Surrounded by new friends, your old friends disappearing from your thoughts and your heart. But you're still with me, in my thoughts and dreams, even when I need to let you go. But still, I'm such a coward. Even though you're right over there, enjoying life, I can't lift my feet to walk the short distance and say, "Hi. How are you?" We haven't hung out in months. We haven't laughed and teased each other since that final day when we parted ways. I chose my path and you continued along yours. It's selfish of me to think that those paths can ever intertwine again. Fate brought us together, but I tore us apart. The time that I put between us is as steep as the distance it seems between me and you, on the other side of the field.
A lone tear falls from my eye as I continue to watch you. And then, I catch sight of it. I see you smile. It was so breathtakingly beautiful and I wanted it to be for me. But it's okay. I was able to see your smile, so now I can smile. I can move on.
Or do you want me to? That's what I believe you were trying to tell me when you suddenly looked away from your friends and looked across the field, right at me. Our eyes locked on each other and with a smile, you nodded. I smiled again and nodded back. I then turned and walked away, the distance growing with each step.
Maybe you don't need me in your life anymore. Maybe in your mind, I'll only be an afterthought. But it's okay. We may not be as close as we used to be, but that doesn't mean I've gone away. Whether you know it or not, I'll always be here. Watching. Caring. Loving...
*~*~*
I wrote this a while back- January of this year. I wrote it for someone that I held feelings for, even though I was afraid to admit it to myself.
I didn't want to love him; it just happened. And I didn't want to see him again; now he lives down the street. It's painful to hold feelings for someone and not have the opportunity to just spit it out and try to take a step forward.
Yes, these feelings are real. No, I don't know what to do with them. Confessing seems like the quickest and easiest way to get over the constant thoughts and dreams I have, but it's never as easy as it sounds. No, not when my heart lurches every time he's around. Not when my face burns every time he looks at me, or how I lose the words at the tip of my tongue when he talks to me.
These feelings are new, scary, confusing. I want him to be a friend... at least, that's what I tell myself. My heart, on the other hand, wants to know if I have what it takes to let him know that I might just want something more. But what's a girl to do when she's facing her own insecurities?
Once upon a time I would've been cool with being just friends. But then my friends happened. Friends that wanted me to be assertive for once in my life. Friends that encouraged me to go after what I wanted. Friends that just wanted to see me happy.
I love my friends and everyday I'm slowly building the confidence. One day I'll tell him. I just hope it's sooner rather than later. That way, if nothing happens, I can move on to find someone that truly wants to love me back.
Heh... I'm probably tattling on myself with this post. I doubt he reads my blog, but you never know. He might even figure it out. If that happens, then I'm okay with that. I've always been better at expressing my feelings through my writing rather than my words, anyway. So, if you are reading this, you know the truth.
You know why I text you about the most random topics. How I invite you out in hopes of getting you alone and letting you know how I feel. How I seem to look everywhere but at you when you're in my presence. The mask I usually wear has been fitted to hide these dangerous emotions, but every conversation with you seems to leave a crack, allowing these emotions to slowly seep out and expose themselves to you.
Maybe one day, you'll see me for me. Maybe one day, you'll love what you see. All I know is that I don't want to lose you. You're one of the few people I've encountered in my life who can stimulate my mind on many topics other people aren't interested in. You make me laugh, you get me flustered. And for the few short hours I'm with you, I feel special. Because you're such a good host...
So, I guess we could consider this an open love letter. Names are withheld to protect the innocent, but my fingers can no longer conceal the words of my innocent heart. It's all out in the open. And it would be all worth it if it stops the constant barrage of daydreams and fantasies I have.
I'm a dreamer. There's no doubt about that. But like all my other dreams, I hope to turn this one into reality. I don't need you/him to reciprocate my feelings. I just need a chance to say, "I like you." Give me that much and I'll be happy. This happening would allow me the chance to realize that I have the confidence to chase after what I want, and not even my own insecurities can hold me back.
Just give me that, and I'll be forever grateful. And I'll be able to move forward. So even if you're still standing on the other side of that field, my heart will keep you right beside me as I courageously step out into the world and find my other half, whether it's you or someone else.
My confession to you is currently pending. Wait for me...
Love,
DesieDeep ♥
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